Are you tired? Do you want to go back to bed? Are you a sleepy baby who doesn't want to go to your pathetic little job? Well, you don't have to! After all, you're a baby, with no responsibilities or bills or cleaning or anything to do except for consuming media. In fact, it looks like you're on the fast track to becoming an iPad baby. Do you know what an iPad baby is, you ignorant infant? An iPad baby is a gross toddler who can't look away from their filth-encrusted tablet for one second, even…

There's not much we can count on in this world. A friend and I were talking the other night (after copious amounts of wine) and she revealed the staggering number of married men that boldly slide into her dms as though they're single and ready to mingle. I revealed how many people had lied to me in the past few years, and the duplicitous nature of some misguided friendships with self-absorbed people. It was not a happy conversation. Despite all these breaches of trust and revealing facts about…