Evil stepmom much?

They should be thanking her

There's levels to pretty

Many make sense

She asks me why, I'm just a hairy guy

It's kind of gross

It's too much

Fearing the dentist is a strange, but reasonable fear. Most people don't fear a check-up from a general care practitioner , so why is the dental check-up so fearsome? It really comes down to the fact that if you've let your teeth go, there's a pretty good chance that the dentist will want to put a drill inside your mouth. Obviously, they want to help you, but the idea of the equipment literally digging into your exposed bone gets a little scary. I find it best to just take good care of your tee…

“I'm a comedian.” Three words, beginning with a contraction, that make me back away in revulsion. Back when I had Tinder, I listed two kinds of people who I simply would not converse with: The above self-proclaimed funnymen, and burners. Burners, as in Burning Man attendees. These types of people and their personalities (for the most part) couldn't turn me on less. My other major sexual dealbreaker is skipping foreplay, which is harder to assess when swiping on a dating profile . Most people ca…

I know I can't be the only person who has been seeing people virtue-signaling their healthy routines online. The number of times I've watched videos or seen photos of people meal-prepping or organizing their vegetables has become ridiculous. As much as I'd like to be someone who can set and forget their meals for the week, as someone who actually gives a sh*t about what I eat, the idea of meal prep has always grossed me out. Those stacked Tupperwares of pallid chicken and bland-looking brown ri…

He's gotta smell

When I was a kid, I had to take a bath or a shower every day, a tradition I've continued throughout my life. When you're a kid, you get dirty quickly and must be washed often. As I scroll through parenting TikTok , I get increasingly disgusted with the hot takes about hygiene. The number of moms I've seen online talking about only showering their kids once or twice a month baffles me. Anyone who thinks having their kid run around all stinky is healthy for them is a fool. Some parents don't bath…

Plus, y'all already know who Topher is.

Anyone who has worked at a restaurant, bar, or combination of the two knows that pests like fruit flies, gnats, and roaches are no joke. Any sort of infestation can do damage to the business's reputation and can cause major drama with the Department of Health. While a bug here or there is something that's hard to avoid, if a bar or restaurant is overtaken by flies or visible roaches, things must be really, really bad. Any self-respecting business owner would call in professionals to handle a pe…

Gross

EW