funny twitter

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Tweet about someone at a therapy session whose parents taught them to not take up any emotional real estate | Sam Reich therapist: so what's troubling you? me: my parents taught me to be so polite that now i have trouble taking up any emotional real estate and how does that make you feel? fine

Don't Worry About Me

Funny Twitter meme about a doctor telling a woman that her biological clock is ticking; she responds with lyrics to "Tik Tok" by Kesha | zfedraws me when i'm 30 with no kids tik tok on the clock but the party don't stop no

Wake Up In The Morning Feelin' Like P. Diddy

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Funny tweet about someone's high school reunion that turns into a dad joke | high school reunion me i'm in the army now friend i thought you were either going to be a referee or an attorney yeah i couldn't decide between boxers and briefs so i went commando

The Ultimate Dad Joke

Funny tweets from novelty Twitter account 'Very British Problems' | Tweet VeryBritishProblems T@SoVeryBritish "Thanks lot sounds sarcastic "Thanks sounds annoyed "Thanks bunch sounds furious 09/03/2015 19:32 3,145 RETWEETS 3,709 FAVOURITES

Twenty-Two 'Very British Problems' For The Limeys

Funny tweet that reads, "Thanks for the clarification, Dad" above a photo of a girl next to a sea lion, where her dad says happy birthday and points out which one is her

Wasn't Clear Before

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Funny Pakalu Papito tweet that reads, "How do I play hard to get when I'm already hard to want"

Me IRL

Funny random memes and tweets | darth vader talking to bobba fett Watches an ad 30 minutes music Spotify 2 songs later have altered deal, pray don't alter any further. huge billboard done in paint. Highest level advertising ARE LOOKING GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Thirty-Two Random Tidbits Simply For Your Entertainment

Funny tweet that reads, "No matter how bad things get I remind myself I could be trapped in a pyramid scheme convinced I'm a business owner"

#BossBabe

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Funny tweet about the reasons one might not like getting their photo taken, which includes feeling deeply self-conscious | when i say please don't take a picture of me it's not because i'm being bitchy and stubborn it's because if i see that picture i will seriously feel so bad about myself and think i am the ugliest thing on earth

Wow Didn't Expect To Be This Personally Attacked

Funny tweet that reads, "I drew a ninja" above a blank image

Stealthy

Funny tweet that reads, "Took me eleven minutes to do that thing I've been avoiding for three months: a memoir"

My Life In A Nutshell

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Funny tweet that reads, "Woke up late for the 5,748th day in a row"

I'm Out Of Excuses At This Point

Funny tweet that reads, "Quit side-eyeing my Santa hat. I once left my tree up til April."

Don't Judge Me, Jerk

Funny tweet that reads, "In case you ever think your roommate is dumb...let me one-up you" above photos of a pot that had melted on the stove

About Time For A One-Bedroom Apartment

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Funny Twitter thread where a pro hockey player tries to flirt with Anna Kendrick | Anthony Beauvillier @titobeauvi21 Hi @Annakendrick47. DanyAllstar15 Replying titobeauvi21 and @AnnaKendrick47 hey man thanks letting use gear during fundraiser held animal shelter save puppies cup way too big but other than everything worked fine. Thanks again

Pro Hockey Player Shoots His Shot With Anna Kendrick, His Buddies Back Him Up

Funny tweet that reads, "I am giving up drinking for a month. Sorry that came out wrong. I am giving up. Drinking for a month."

It's Almost Time For Those New Year's Resolutions