funny roasts

Only masochists and the truly thick-skinned are brave enough to post their selfies to r/RoastMe, and even then, many regret the decision after experiencing burns so spicy, they develop new insecurities they never had before. We've got a handful of painful roasts people shared after one redditor asked r/RoastMe veterans which comments destroyed them the most. 

While National Roast Day may not be an official holiday, it's certainly a day we take seriously. And it only makes sense that Wendy's, Twitter's most esteemed roast expert, would pull out all the stops for their favorite day of the year. In celebration of this important day, the account doled out roasts to anyone who requested them - and they're far spicier than their nuggets or chicken sandwich. We've rounded up some of their most skillful humiliations from yesterday for your entertainment, but you can catch even more of this fiery goodness on Twitter.

Nobody's perfect. We all make mistakes. Some worse than others. But if you post your "Ls" on Twitter, it's pretty much a given that you're gonna get roasted to a crisp if you have more than a handful of followers. Twitter's latest victim is Jonathan Kay, a writer for Quillette - an Australian publication that weirdly attracts both racists and liberals. But today we're here to talk about what Jonathan Kay did wrong, physically instead of morally. 

Kay took to Twitter yesterday to innocently reveal that he had been using an Arm & Hammer dog shampoo for the past few months. At first, we were like "okay, maybe it looked like a human shampoo." But then we saw a photo of the pet grooming product and it has a very visible, very adorable dog on the packaging. And while Kay claims that "for pets" was in 4 point type. It's...definitely not. Needless to say, Twitter users were very, very quick to rail on the dude with roasts and amusing parodies. While it's true that his journalistic reputation didn't do him any favors, it's nice to see people roasting other people for doing something that is inane and fluffy. We just want to see a picture of how his hair looks now. Maybe using dog shampoo is the beauty hack we've been missing this whole time.

It takes a shocking amount of confidence (or complete nihilism) to own roastoneself properly. We don't see this phenomenon often, so we're relieved to know that the r/KamikazeByWords subreddit exists. The community is the perfect way to see people destroy themselves, all in one convenient place. Happy scrolling!

Reddit'sr/roastme community can be brutal, but these poor souls definitely asked for it!

Recording artist Moby is on the receiving end of some major Twitter heat following a very weird and creepy Instagram post regarding an alleged relationship with Natalie Portman. Moby had written of a relationship with the actress in his memoir, Then It Fell Apart. In the book, Moby describes a brief 1999 romance between himself (33) and the "20" year old Harvard student. On May 21st, two weeks after the memoir's release, Portman denied the claims in an interview with Harper's Bazaar. Her account is far more damning: 

"I was surprised to hear that he characterised the very short time that I knew him as dating because my recollection is a much older man being creepy with me when I just had graduated high school.

He said I was 20; I definitely wasn't. I was a teenager. I had just turned 18. There was no fact checking from him or his publisher – it almost feels deliberate. That he used this story to sell his book was very disturbing to me. It wasn't the case. There are many factual errors and inventions. I would have liked him or his publisher to reach out to fact check."

Yesterday, Moby opted topost a bizarre and public "call out" of Natalie following the interview. The text, accompanying a shirtless photo with the young actress, reads as very defensive. 

"I recently read a gossip piece wherein Natalie Portman said that we'd never dated. This confused me, as we did, in fact, date. And after briefly dating in 1999 we remained friends for years. I like Natalie, and I respect her intelligence and activism. But, to be honest, I can't figure out why she would actively misrepresent the truth about our(albeit brief)involvement. The story as laid out in my book Then It Fell Apart is accurate, with lots of corroborating photo evidence, etc.

Thanks, Moby

Ps I completely respect Natalie's possible regret in dating me(to be fair, I would probably regret dating me, too), but it doesn't alter the actual facts of our brief romantic history" 

Many people on Twitter and Instagram felt this was an inappropriate response, and began roasting the star for his creepiness "calling himself out." Other Twitter users have opted to parody his post, sharing photos with celebrities (or photoshops with celebrities) with similar claims of romantic relationships. Leave it to Twitter to use humor to address a pretty appalling issue. Natalie Portman has yet to respond to Moby's social media antics, but hopefully she's enjoying the internet coming to her defense. 

We love a good roast as much as the next person, and r/RoastMe really never fails to deliver in the schadenfreude department. We've rounded up some of the freshest and funniest roasts from the subreddit so you can mock these masochists without doing any work. You're welcome.