In my humble opinion, the greatest song ever written is Gilda Radner's “ Let's Talk Dirty To The Animals .” In that tune, the original SNL cast member revealed some timeless truths about the animal kingdom. That song isn't really about being dirty or nasty or filthy. It's about camaraderie. Non-human animals don't want to be talked down to or patronized. Animals are people to, and they deserve to be talked to dirty just as much as anybody else. If you've never heard Gilda Radner tell an alligat…

More kitties

Everyone finds their little way to rebel as a teenager. There was one point in 6th grade where my eyeliner was so black, thick, and around every crevice of my eyeball that it looked like I was about to put on a raccoon Halloween costume at any moment. Being a rebel becomes a less attainable identity when you're a fully grown adult. Things that were once deemed unacceptable and strange by your parents become much more normal. Like what, you're in your twenties and regularly frequent your local D…

Toe beans not included

Purr

Cats are one of the most remarkable animals ever invented. I didn't grow up with a cat myself, but I was a massive fan of the most famous cat in the world, Garfield . Garfield is a cat with no job, and yet he hates Mondays. He loves lasagna, sleeping, and being a menace to everyone he meets. As I grow older, I'm becoming much more of a Garfield than I used to be. When I was a baby, I was Odie: a creature who couldn't speak but is just happy to be alive. When I was a kid, I was Nermal: young and…

If you asked any of my friends, they would tell you I am addicted to cats. And they might not be wrong. I'm constantly discussing Gorgeous and Grigio, my sweet, sweet furry pets. But the reality behind this infatuation might be less sweet than one would think. If you weren't aware, a little parasite called toxoplasmosis gondii causes toxoplasmosis, a disease that can affect nearly all living creatures, though it is most commonly found in cats. Despite that statistic, it's been documented in hum…

Unique pet names are such a joy. There's nothing worse than meeting an animal who has the most basic uncreative name you could think of. As a child, I went to the neighbor kids' house, thrilled to find out they had guinea pigs. However, my glee subsided when I found out the horrid truth. They named their white guinea pig Snowball, their brown guinea pig Hershey, and their black and white guinea pig Oreo. That is an abomination. How could you be so uncreative to name a pet the most obvious thing…

My cats are the center of my universe. Somehow I ended up adopting two of the characters that were skulking around my backyard. And there's no turning back. They own the place. They stink it up, they push my stuff off the table, and they also (thankfully) give me cuddles and keep me entertained. As a former “ dog person ,” it's pretty surprising that I'd end up being so obsessed with kitties. It probably has to do with toxoplasmosis. Anyway. Because cat owners are so dedicated to their pets, th…

Meow

Happy National Hug Your Cat Day