Christmas is only two days away, and you know what that means? We are singing The Twelve Days of Christmas until we cannot stand it anymore. Everyone knows that most of the presents endlessly listed in The Twelve Days of Christmas are birds. If I had to pick any of them to receive, I wouldn't choose swans a-swimming or even a partridge in a pear tree. I want one of those ambiguous, open-for-interpretation gifts. What is a "lord a-leaping," and how do I get ten of them to my house as soon as hum…