The most important holiday

Delicious!

Crunchy

It's difficult for me to tell when something is unique to the midwest or if it's something everybody does. Sure, vocal tics like "ope" are stereotypically midwestern, but I find it hard to believe this is solely a feature of that region. I don't think I'd be laughed out of the room in New York or Texas if I said, “I'm just going to squeeze right past you,” but most non-midwesterners would opt for a simple, “excuse me" (or “pardon me” in Texas). One thing that I cannot stand by is the assertion…

An Air Fryer is just an EZ Bake Oven for adults—millennials get it...

On Christmas Day, customers usually have enough shame to not show up at a fast food place. They ask insecure questions about when the company lets the employees go home. When you deliver the sad news that you're working until closing, they retreat to their table to eat their McChicken with embarrassed expressions. Unfortunately, during Thanksgiving, customers have a lot less shame. They find it incredibly quirky to go to Popeyes for Thanksgiving instead of cooking a homemade meal. Working in fa…

Flip it

Food. Sure, we have to eat it to survive. But the acts of eating, cooking, and even simply buying food go far beyond function. Food brings people together, it's something universal that we share with one another. And while we all have our own food preferences and allergies, many of us use food to express love and affection for each other. When there's something to celebrate, we usually go out for a fancy meal or enjoy a home-cooked feast with loved ones. Food is an experience, it's culture, and…

Children have incredibly creative minds and use this creativity in numerous ways. At my elementary school, the innocents used their childlike wonder to create the grossest monstrosity of food ever concocted. This activity was usually limited to kids who bought lunch at the cafeteria. It's much more complicated to play with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and carrot sticks than it is to mix school milk with a fruit cocktail. Chicken strip day was always the grossest. People would pour strawbe…

Do y'all remember when the concept of bacon was the biggest meme in the world? 2012 was truly a time to be alive: A time when memes were so simple that a popular food could dominate the landscape of popular memes for over a year. Now don't get me wrong, I like bacon. It's the only meat that I would miss if I followed the dietary restrictions put forth by the Old Testament. That being said, even as a meme-obsessed teen, I found the bacon thing to be a bit much. The bacon meme extended far beyond…

Papa John would be proud

Choosing the right ingredients for a sandwich is essential, and even when you do everything right, your sandwich can still end up gross. I've made many questionable sandwich-topping choices throughout my life, and I'm at peace with that. I spent at least a calendar year ordering burgers with only pickles and onions on them; I can only imagine what my breath smelled like during that year. I also regularly got black olives on my sandwich when I went to Subway, and let's just say I wouldn't make t…

Is this how you want to spend it? Absolutely.

They deserve memes the most

I like to laugh; Sue me! If it's a crime to laugh out loud, then I am on the fast track to being sent to a maximum security prison . More than laughing itself, I love to embrace cackling as my primary medium for conveying the joy that lives within me. Cackling is not just a laughter type, it's a way of living. I do not care that I sound like a witch. I do not care that now everybody in the room is looking in my direction. I do not care that an elderly gentleman is now asking me why I'm ‘screami…

Do you eat to live, or live to eat? Honestly, I'm worried about the people who proudly claim the former. While it's true that we literally eat to live, but it's absolutely bonkers to me that there are people who just don't care about, or flat-out enjoy, eating. I'm talking about Liz, the tech worker I met years ago who dreamed of powering her pale, sickly-looking body with a pill taken just once a day. Even more disturbing? The day I learned she was on a diet that consisted only of Clif bars. R…