Please don't eat me

It's not worth it

Only Pleistocene Epoch kids understand

I would go to the crow party

Take that

Eelby! Drink your juice!

...I don't know how secure my premises are

Too much description

“Which animal am I” is one of those questions you usually don't want to know the answer to. Either you get an adorable animal like a cat, or you get one that truly makes you confront your reality as a human being. When I was growing up and this question came up, everyone would always say that I was a giraffe. This was not a particularly shocking answer, seeing as I was at least 5'9 by the time I was 12 years old. However, it did get old after a while that people were only seeing me for my tall…

I was a fish owner once. In fact, I was a fish owner three times over. Unfortunately, these fish all met the same bitter end at the bottom of the toilet bowl. Each time we got fish, we got two goldfish and named the Cosmo and Wanda. I even had a show-accurate Fairly-Odd Parents-themed fish bowl that they got to live in. Despite our best efforts to give them a good life, all three sets of Cosmo and Wanda died under mysterious circumstances. Those circumstances really boiled down to the fact that…

Reeling them in

Life is a Jenga game, and I'm gonna play it all night long

It's that time of the week!