“I'm a comedian.” Three words, beginning with a contraction, that make me back away in revulsion. Back when I had Tinder, I listed two kinds of people who I simply would not converse with: The above self-proclaimed funnymen, and burners. Burners, as in Burning Man attendees. These types of people and their personalities (for the most part) couldn't turn me on less. My other major sexual dealbreaker is skipping foreplay, which is harder to assess when swiping on a dating profile . Most people ca…

Dating is hard. And now that things are dying down a little, Covid-wise, we expect the scene is going to get a whole lot crazier. While it's great that those romantic Zoom meetups are (mostly) a thing of the past, there were some perks to getting acquainted to a Tinder or Bumble date ahead of meeting them in person. Namely, being able to get a feel for the suitor's idiosyncrasies before having to get stuck on a date with them in real life. It's a lot easier to close the laptop on a doomed tryst…

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

When I was a bartender, customers would often rack up huge tabs over several hours, ordering martinis at the busiest moments and shots for everyone at the bar minutes before closing. The most ostentatious customers were usually the ones who would ditch the bar without closing their tabs, and 90% of the time, those cards would decline. It's a risky scam, but people who work in the service industry know better than most that customers can be shockingly audacious. As much as we wish we could expos…

When we talk about relationships, it feels like people are usually discussing ones of the romantic variety. But there are many other types of relationships. The relationship you have with your toilet, for example. Or your friendships, the people who are your blood family, or perhaps your chosen family. I, personally, have a relationship with my coworkers. It's usually positive. But we have our little ways of communicating with side-eyes, smiles, and sometimes the odd eye-roll that lets us know…

Even in 2022, some people still have pretty medieval views on gender roles, like one redditor's girlfriend and her parents who believe that every man should be able to fix things around the house. Do they also believe their daughter should quit her good job and do all the housework and cooking? I don't really want to know the answer to that. When u/housework1998 vented to r/amitheasshole about his situation, redditors were overwhelmingly on OP's side.

I hear that planning a wedding is difficult. Not just because there's so many people that are impossible to please, and not just because it's a timesuck. It's also expensive - which makes the already-agonizing task of crafting a guest list all the more difficult. Who, praytell, is worthy of your special day? Generally speaking, it's close friends, family, and maybe a few of your colleagues, and they receive an invite and respectfully RSVP accordingly. Recently, however, Twitter user @barrybingb…

Some people say that happiness is the best revenge. While that might be the mature mindset, it has never been the most immediately gratifying. Especially where dramatic breakups are concerned. Just think about that classic Carrie Underwood banger, ‘Before He Cheats.’ The country pop tune is an anthem for scorned women seeking revenge. You can't help but feel pleased that she dug her key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive, and carved her name into his leather seats. Th…

If you've been online at all since 2015, you have likely encountered discourse about gender and dating that is, at best, kind of strange and, at worst, explicitly violent. These micro-discourses can be summed up with the all-encompassing phrase, “The Gender Wars.” Now, if you're a normal person and not extremely online, you might wonder what that is. According to a most reliable source, The Gender Wars occur when “you have women pushing the narrative that all men are misogynistic, cheaters, abu…

"Eyyy, Tony Pizza!" If this is how my partner greeted me, I would be ecstatic. It embodies everything I love: a New York accent, an Italian name, and an Italian food . This weekend I learned that not everyone is quite as forgiving and open-minded when it comes to pet names. And you know what? That's okay. Everyone is entitled to their own comfort in the nickname department. But once you reveal your contempt for a moniker in a Reddit thread, you're fair game. And you just might go viral.

We should all be supportive of our partners' career choices…within reason. When u/Content_Profession63 's fiancé quit his job to become a professional Twitch streamer, she encouraged him to follow his passion and even agreed to financially support the both of them with her online business. Seven months later, OP's fiancé was doing plenty of gaming, but still hadn't even gotten around to creating a Twitch account. OP's tolerance for BS finally waned when her fiancé asked her for an expensive gam…

Ahh, your thirties. When we were younger, it was romanticized that by the time you were 30, you would have a career, a family, and your life together. In 2022, we are no longer 13 going on 30, we are 13 going on GERD-y. Sure the last 20 years hasn't been too kind to those 90's kids, but at least we lived in a time where we had Limewire, Vine, and Chat Roulette. Now grab your Tums and Ibuprofen and suck it up. All we can do is laugh at ourselves. Here's this weeks best laughs about aging into th…

Entitled rich people who treat others like garbage just because they make less money are some of the worst people on the planet. When redditor u/NoTGoingThank was invited to go to Cabo with her boyfriend's family , she didn't expect to get cruelly singled out for her blue-collar background. Luckily, a kind stranger gave OP the encouragement she needed to break off the toxic relationship . She really dodged a bullet.

Ulterior motives aren't always bad. Sometimes they're pretty benevolent. Especially when we're talking about dating. While it may seem innocent (or even boring), texting something as simple as “Hey”

In rare instances, age gap discourse can be funny.

Here we go again, back at it with another steaming hot plate of memes for your consumption. It must be so nice to have delicious memes provided to you every night without effort on your part. Some people in this world slave away, looking for memes far and wide to feel their ever-growing families. When I was a boy, I used to walk 20 miles uphill and back in the snow to get to school. What does that have to do with memes you might ask? Absolutely nothing, but I just wanted to rub it in that your…