He's just like Calvin with the Crisco

"So mean and hateful"...she's two

These are hard to believe

Can she not take the bus?

It's that time of the year when every school has a million events. One day you're chaperoning a field trip for one kid, and the next day you're attending a choir concert for the other. As a kid, I loved the end of the school year for precisely this reason. I loved being busy! In hindsight, I can only imagine how stressful May was for my parents. Field Day was the best day of my young life, but it likely wasn't my mom's favorite day by any means. Not to mention, kids are so wound up by the beaut…

Mommy Facebook Groups are by no means a new phenomenon. I have been making fun of them since I was a teenager, which didn't go unnoticed by my suburban community. Long story short, I was a member of my high school's sketch comedy team. I know, extremely cool, very popular, and totally not lame of me. We had to perform sketches at loud and rowdy pep rallies that had something to do with school spirit. My best friend/comedy writing partner/high school sweetheart (we had an incredibly multifaceted…

Part of being a parent is forcing your kids to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes, they have to eat yucky vegetables and finish the year of playing with their soccer team, even though they wanted to quit halfway through. However, there's a point where parents need to listen to what their kids are saying and act accordingly. One mother took to Reddit to ask whether she was the villain for forcing her teenage daughter to wear dresses when going over to their grandparent's house. There is…

Babysitting kids can go two very different ways. Either the kids are totally cool, or they are absolute monsters that cannot be tamed. I was lucky that the kids I looked after were rad as hell when I was a teenage babysitter. Their parents were never too controlling, telling me that we could only do boring educational activities with the kids. I had the distinct pleasure of babysitting kids who were not toddlers, which definitely made my experience more enjoyable. Unfortunately, not everybody i…

Mind your business

It's time for us to face the facts: we give moms a lot of slack in this series. There are a lot of cringe mothers out in the world who detox their children from heavy metals and squirt breastmilk in their eyes when they get a stye. Even though they have some wacky ideas, they're not complete monsters. They're just women who've been sucked into a weird online subculture . It's easy to criticize mothers for a myriad of reasons. It's far too natural for us to fall into misogynistic thought pattern…

When you're a little kid, there's nothing scarier than the possibility of attending summer school. That's where you go when you're a juvenile delinquent throughout the year and don't finish your schoolwork. When a teacher brings up the dreaded idea of attending summer school, it's usually a simple scare tactic to submit a class of youngsters into obedience. There's nothing wrong with that! Once you get to high school , you realize that summer school is an actual possibility and not just a scare…

That's not a rainbow

These people are nuts

Twenty years ago, parenting books used to be where it was at. Parents who had a million questions about how they should raise their kids didn't go around posting about it on their MySpace pages. They went to Borders, Books A Million, and other now-defunct stores and bought a bunch of books about it! While not all parenting books are written by experts, they're at least a bit more inherently trustworthy than strangers on the internet . When I was a kid, all of the adults in my life told me to be…

For a childless person, I sure spend a lot more time in the enclaves of the parenting side of social media than I probably should. Twitter, TikTok, and Facebook: all of these places have proved to me that parenting is no walk in the park and that it truly takes over a person's life. I don't not want to be a mom because I don't like kids or anything: I don't want to be a mom right now because I don't want to start unknowingly and constantly post cringe parenting content for all of the world to s…

Like many other towns across the country, my hometown had an infamous mommy Facebook group . The group was a running joke at my high school because the mothers involved just didn't know how to behave themselves. They would constantly bicker with each other over everything and nothing at the same time. Popular topics of conversation were politics, religion, how evil doctors were, and their children's behavioral problems. The number of women who would divulge their children's medical history to a…