It feels like an eternity since it was announced that Chris Pratt would be lending his voice to the role of Nintendo's Mario, but it's actually been just over a year. Since then, the internet backlash seemed to fade to a murmur, but it's back, baby, and we're here for it.

Turn that brain off

I'm starting to think we're living in a simulation controlled by Chris Pratt. Think about it. What if the voice of Chris Pratt is an insidious force that won't rest until it speaks for every animated character in existence. Eventually, we'll all just be characters with the voice of Chris Pratt in some grotesque alternate Chris Pratt-themed universe. Jokes aside, it's true that Chris Pratt will be the next Garfield. Appropriately on a Monday and just weeks after news of Chris Pratt's upcoming ro

He's been diesel since 2019, y'all.

"Life is pointless and nothing matters and I'm always tired"