"Serious goose" doesn't have the same ring to it

It's that time of year again, folks. The snow has finally melted, the sun is shining, and the migratory birds are back in town. I can finally enjoy the rare pleasure of birdwatching and lounging in my backyard, while ignoring the surrounding evidence of my neighbor's epic parties. Even with the cans and bottles that dapple our patio tables, my slice of urban paradise is primo ground for enjoying the birds that have been flitting around the neighborhood. Just sitting on my steps for a few minute…

Do you feel welcomed to the DEEP SEA?

SQUACK

Life is a Jenga game, and I'm gonna play it all night long

It's been a very long time since I enjoyed the experience of dining at an all-you-can-eat buffet . Enjoying memes, however, feels kind of close. Both buffets and memes offer a plethora of options to choose from. Just as a buffet provides a wide variety of dishes, from appetizers to desserts, memes cover a broad range of topics, humor, and cultural references. Whether you're looking for a quick laugh or a super-specific joke about one of your more niche interests, there's probably a meme out the…

To eat meat or to not eat meat; that is the question. As Thanksgiving comes and goes this weekend, it's natural that dietary needs and restrictions come up as topics for debate. Some animal fans think being a vegetarian or a vegan is a requirement for being an animal lover . Others believe that since animals kill and eat each other, and because human beings are animals themselves, eating meat is a non-issue. I think we can all agree that the way the meat industry treats and kills animals is not…

Ducks won't take no for an answer

It's that time of the week!

Are you guys bored? I'm not bored! As a gross and hot David Thewlis once said in the Mike Leigh movie Naked : "Was I bored? No, I wasn't f*ckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it." As angsty and Gen X as that statement is, I can't help but agree with it.…

They're big

While most products come in various sizes, some things are just meant to be consumed in bulk: Netflix shows, Costco's entire inventory, and Cheese Balls . I have never seen Cheese Balls in a compact container in my life. Every Cheese Ball in the world is in an absurdly large package that I cannot conceptualize being practical for anyone. How long does it take a family to eat one industrial-sized box of Cheese Balls? I can't imagine they could finish it in less than two months. Maybe that's by d…

Meeting new people is often incredibly awkward and demeaning. Not all of us are Mrs. Peacock from the Clue movie based on the bestselling board game. When she's introduced to a group of new and unfamiliar people in Mr. Boddy's mansion, she monologues, "Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I'm used to being a hostess; it's part of my husband's work. And it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time to get acquainted. So I'…

There are a lot of animals in the Muppet Cinematic Universe . They've got frogs, pigs, bears, aliens, rats, and all kinds of whatnots! If I had to choose, my favorite muppet would be Animal. He's got such a lust for life that we all could use a little bit of. This might be a bit of an unpopular Muppet opinion, but if it weren't for Animal, I don't know if the Electric Mayhem would have survived as a group. Sure, we all love Dr. Teeth and Janis, but Animal brings the punk edge that the band so d…

If I'm being honest, Russell from Up (2009) deserved far more than just a wilderness explorer badge for his adventures with Carl. That child was a friend to the elderly and the animal kingdom more than most of us could dream of being. He had the explorer's spirit, and he did something about it. He befriended birds and dogs alike and stood up to a freaky old guy in defense of his nice old guy friend. Most of us will probably never reach such an advanced state of wilderness exploring. Sure, we ma…

Hot Eel City is the only city for me