Ducks won't take no for an answer

Are you guys bored? I'm not bored! As a gross and hot David Thewlis once said in the Mike Leigh movie Naked : "Was I bored? No, I wasn't f*ckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it." As angsty and Gen X as that statement is, I can't help but agree with it.…

If I'm being honest, Russell from Up (2009) deserved far more than just a wilderness explorer badge for his adventures with Carl. That child was a friend to the elderly and the animal kingdom more than most of us could dream of being. He had the explorer's spirit, and he did something about it. He befriended birds and dogs alike and stood up to a freaky old guy in defense of his nice old guy friend. Most of us will probably never reach such an advanced state of wilderness exploring. Sure, we ma…

Hot Eel City is the only city for me

Whoever said dogs were "Man's Best Friend" forgot to include penguins, raccoons , salmon, and all animals in the animal kingdom. Animals are the light of our lives. They all deserve parades and non-toxic cakes celebrating their existence. Disney's Animal Kingdom is just that; a theme park devoted to celebrating animals 365 days a year. They say it's not a zoo, but it's totally a zoo. Animal Kingdom is 33% depictions of wildlife in Asia and Africa, 33% Pandora the World of Avatar, and 33% Dinola…

My favorite birds are Big Bird, Sam The Eagle, and Camila, the Chicken . Accuse me of liking muppets more than natural wildlife all you want; that true statement doesn't phase me. All muppets fans know that there are very few girl characters in the franchise. Even though she can't technically speak, I'm glad that the chicken that dates Gonzo is representing for the ladies. Sam The Eagle is an essential member of the Muppets company because he's decidedly ungoofy. This man means business and is…

Silliness is one of the most important qualities a person can have. Nobody likes someone who is super serious 99% of the time. I feel like I'm at my silliest when I'm doing childish activities . For example, my family and I saw the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in person this year. I had never really loved watching it on TV because I was more of a dog show person, but when I saw those giant balloons with my own two eyes, my inner child was freaking out. Every time I saw a new balloon peeking a…

What an iconic rodent!

Gatekeeping is sometimes necessary. I find it unquestionably necessary to gatekeep cat and dog memes from the rest of the animal memes. There is no shortage of lists displaying hundreds of thousands of dog and cat memes. If I were a betting man, I would say there are more cat memes than any other type of meme on God's green earth. I've got nothing against dogs or cats, but I have to ask, where are the worm memes? Where are the buffalo memes? When will the non-domesticated animal of the world ge…

Oh me, oh my! My eyes may deceive my mind, but by Jove , I must hope and must pray that this is real life and I'm living it. I have seemingly been blessed by a gift from a generous fairy: 35 gorgeous and beautiful memes, all for my pleasure. Finally, my days of twiddling away in the mud, drawing my own mediocre memes with a stick and some rocks, are now far behind me. Now I can bask in the glorious glory of having so many memes all to myself. How do people who live in such abundance do it? How…

Terrifying

Frogs and Cranberries? It must be fall. Much like Mariah Carrey's All I Want For Christmas is You on the Billboard Top 100 Chart, this meme comes crawling back to us seasonally, and we can't get enough of it. But why? On a fundamental level, "Frogs and cranberries it must be fall" is just plain funny. Why must it be fall when these two collide, we non-frog experts ask. What about this amphibian and this fruit coming together marks the period between September 22nd and December 20th? The meme or…

Every animal in the world will do two things: live and die. Disney's The Lion King (1994) illustrates this concept perfectly. One second, a monkey is introducing a baby lion into the world. Thirty minutes later, you're sobbing watching that baby lions father being trampled to death. That movie wasn't lying when it talked about the circle of life moving us all. If you love animals, you probably hate animals dying. I remember when the seminal film Marley and Me hit theatres, and animal lovers eve…

In my humble opinion, the greatest song ever written is Gilda Radner's “ Let's Talk Dirty To The Animals .” In that tune, the original SNL cast member revealed some timeless truths about the animal kingdom. That song isn't really about being dirty or nasty or filthy. It's about camaraderie. Non-human animals don't want to be talked down to or patronized. Animals are people to, and they deserve to be talked to dirty just as much as anybody else. If you've never heard Gilda Radner tell an alligat…

Let's be honest…the landscape of memes right now can be kind of depressing . There are so many memes about catastrophic global events that they can be hard to avoid. What happened to the good old days, when wholesome and fun memes ran this town? I don't want to see vaguely humorous pictures bemoaning the backbreaking reality of American hegemony. I want to see pictures of funny birds. I don't want to see a TikTok breaking down every single solitary unethical thing that some random micro-influen…

Ft. bird gang alliances.