Being an adult sounded great when I was like, thirteen. I had it all figured out: My best friend Jane and I would move into her uncle's cottage in England. He's a big-time director and owned Beatrix Potter's house. It was going to be amazing. Driving old range rovers around the estate, listening to the Cure and the Clash, and eating (and drinking) like queens. Judging by the fact that I'm living in a tenement here in Brooklyn, and she's living with her mother-in-law in New Jersey, things haven'…

Every morning I wake up to my iPhone's alarm and proceed to do all my silly little tasks until 9 pm when the cycle starts over again. When I was a kid, I had no idea how much of my day would be filled with annoying responsibilities. Feeding the cat is one thing, but I never thought I'd spend so much of my precious time wiping down surfaces. Whoever made those damn wipes was a genius. A genius, who unlike me, is probably free from the shackles of a 2-hour commute. Or, you know, dead. Anyway. The…