Every morning I wake up to my iPhone's alarm and proceed to do all my silly little tasks until 9 pm when the cycle starts over again. When I was a kid, I had no idea how much of my day would be filled with annoying responsibilities. Feeding the cat is one thing, but I never thought I'd spend so much of my precious time wiping down surfaces. Whoever made those damn wipes was a genius. A genius, who unlike me, is probably free from the shackles of a 2-hour commute. Or, you know, dead. Anyway. The…

Adulting isn't as fun as we thought it would be.

If you've spent any time on Twitter over the past couple of years, you're probably aware that the site's definition of “friendship” is kinda flawed.

'Ello

Is everyone thinking the same thing?

Adulting is hard.

Hey, I'm talking to you. Yeah, you, smarty pants. I saw you across the bar, and I couldn't help but notice that your aura oozes intelligence. I am also an individual of the smart experience so I can easily perceive things like this. Let me guess, when you were in elementary school, you were often lauded as “above average.” Hey, so was I! Wasn't it so great being better than all of those average normie normal people? Those were the days. My senses are also telling me that as you've grown older,…

For anyone feeling like they need a break from the real world

We've been through a lot of traumatizing historical events, please be nice to us...

Millennials . When we're not busy ruining the economy with our decadent avocado toast and otherwise utilitarian consumer behavior, we're tending to our 5k-follower shitpost accounts, wondering where we went wrong in life. Is this really all there is? The millennial thinks to herself as she stands in line at the local overpriced café. She consults her bank app as if it were a crystal ball, providing guidance on whether or not to go for that extra pastry. Then she goes off to her second freelance…

Denial is a safe place to chill in

For real though, it's really not that bad... *sweat dramatically drips from forehead*

An acquired taste of humor

Just one more mental breakdown away

Who really enjoys them the most?

OMW to Blockbuster