Ideas to use next time someone calls about your extended warranty

This one's for all of you bird lovers out there. On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a partridge in a pear tree . On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me two turtledoves and a partridge in a pear tree. On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me three French hens, two turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me four calling birds, three French hens, two turtledoves and a partridge in a pear tr…

It's nearly time

Yummy

Ooooooh baby, it's the holiday season and the kids are home and all yours. It's a beautiful family time kind of holiday, but also, you have to do SO much for the kids. You don't have to, but you're a parent, so you want to do everything you can to make the holidays as special as possible for your kids. They might not appreciate it now, in fact, they definitely don't because the big guy in red (Santa) gets all the credit, but they'll appreciate it once they're older. In fact, from all of us here…

He's nearly here

Seasoning

Roll for memes

If they don't know what the leaning tower of Cheeza is, they're too young for you.

All I want for Christmas is a dang break already.

Don't burn yourself

Remember the whole “Storm Area 51" meme movement from a few years ago? It's amazing how time flies when you're absolutely not having fun. Prior to the satirical event, which was popularized on Facebook, I actually enjoyed alien memes. Then the naruto-running freaks took hold of things and ruined them. As a staunch X-Files fan, and alien movie connoisseur, it's true that most alien memes are stupid. But that's okay, because most memes are stupid in general. But there's something about extraterre…

You're crying in your cubicle as your boss says, 'I'm Lizzie McGuire and you're watching Disney." You wake up on your couch. It's 2006. It was all a dream.

I'm not an NPC. At least I don't think I am. NPC, or “Non Player Character” has been in the vernacular for some time now, but recently it's become used to label people they see as “mindless” or “controlled by something.” One of my least favorite examples of this is when people post videos of themselves at the airport and ask the question “How is it possible that 100 people are flying from Tampa Florida to Salt Lake City Utah on a Tuesday morning? At least 80% of these people must be NPCs." I ha…

"Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!" This line from The Wizard of Oz is regarding the most terrifying predators of the world. Look, we all know that if faced with any of the above creatures, we should at least attempt to escape or defend ourselves. So, why are they so damn cute? Bears, in particular, have a way of making us turn soft and say “Aww” when we see them rolling around in a field or bouncing around looking for food. They're not only adorable, but they're some of our favorite character…

The only gift I can afford is friendship