warning

This has long been my personal life rule... and look how I've turned out! #MaybeYouShouldn'tLiveThisWay #ButComeOnYouKnowYouWantTo - Matty Malaprop

And he's a downright saint, to boot! Why, just last week he helped my mother repot her begonias in the parlor! - Matty Malaprop

One of them murders innocent children and keeps your hands cozy and warm. The other is actually called a birdie and is loved by many many high school athletes in Hong Kong. The line's a little blurry, really. - Matty Malaprop

If I'm going to have to deal with a tapped phone line, I'm pretty a tapped phone line that helps create voice-activated porpoises is the best kind there is. - Matty Malaprop

When you spend all your waking hours staring at a monitor, it's really only a matter of time before your head becomes a flat screen. - Matty Malaprop

His cold misanthropy is just a property of his brain chemistry, I suppose. - Matty Malaprop

Yo dawg, I heard you like needless hyper-literal disobedience... - Matty Malaprop

Because any excuse to post clips from "Rocko's Modern Life" is the best excuse. - Matty Malaprop

Seriously though, what makes a guy just up and RAM another human being with a bulky, glass-laden object? - Matty Malaprop

You can try and fight the system, but in the end I guarantee you it simply isn't wart it. - Matty Malaprop

Next time you start bleeding while surfing, all you'll need to make it back to shore alive is a full-body seal costume and a simple splint. #THEMOREYOUKNOW #RAINBOW - Matty Malaprop