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This has long been my personal life rule... and look how I've turned out! #MaybeYouShouldn'tLiveThisWay #ButComeOnYouKnowYouWantTo - Matty Malaprop

Only a total fruit would give into pear pressure, 'namsayin? #I'mNotHomophobicISwear #THISPUNISABOUTFRUIT #NOITREALLYACTUALLYIS - Matty Malaprop

Every beard-induced hangover I've ever had has been nothing short of a hair-raising experience. - Matty Malaprop

Want more Facebook FAIL? We've got you covered!

I mean, given their linguistically failed name, I suppose such punishable typos should be expected in such a place. - Matty Malaprop

If you look on the back side, it has your name on it and everything! - Matty Malaprop

Personally, I think a hot dog bun would work better.

... what does fabluous mean? No really. I'm curious. - Matty Malaprop

Nothing says "romance" like a shuriken to the retina. - Matty Malaprop

... it's sh*t like this that makes me simultaneously love and loathe everyone in the current generation. - Matty Malaprop

Less well-known than the canonical archangles are their more shapely counterparts: Isosceles, Scalene and Equilateral. - Matty Malaprop