trees

These people really oughta stop with this conversation before they all make ashes out of themselves. - Matty Malaprop

These puns are giving me a splintering headache.

I mean, fir real, man? That's the way you talk to the ladies in your life? Willow be damned... - Matty Malaprop

If a pun falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, does it still make people groan? - Matty Malaprop

Social Media at its best and worst on Failbook!

And for that matter, what about cantankeroustrees? Tenacioustrees? Do you just hate all things arboreal, or just pleasant ones in particular? - Matty Malaprop

Alternate title: "So THAT'S Why I Seem to Be Allergic to Pooping!" - Matty Malaprop

Say what you will about my ever-expanding collection of lava lamps! I still maintain that they're an evergreen decor item! - Matty Malaprop

Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop