tree

Transfiguration is cool and all, but I woodn't be so happy about becoming a thing for people to sit on if I was this tree. - Matty Malaprop

Just make sure you cover it during the rainy season, lest you want it to become an electricitree. - Matty Malaprop

I bet that square is nine, because its root looks like tree to me! - Matty Malaprop

Strangely, though it lacks sentience, a number of scientists have found it quite easy to bond with. - Matty Malaprop

Wow, he's really spruced up now isn't he? - Matty Malaprop

I have nothing against the mentally insane, but I really don't think there's a chance in hell that he and I could ever be fronds. - Matty Malaprop

We have agreed: You are a hipster. - Matty Malaprop

You can use a joke like this time and again, but its humor value will always be evergreen. - Matty Malaprop

Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

Maybe I'm just too cynical to appreciate love, but I've always felt like weddings are simply mulch ado about nothing. - Matty Malaprop

And for that matter, what about cantankeroustrees? Tenacioustrees? Do you just hate all things arboreal, or just pleasant ones in particular? - Matty Malaprop