tree

I have nothing against the mentally insane, but I really don't think there's a chance in hell that he and I could ever be fronds. - Matty Malaprop

You can use a joke like this time and again, but its humor value will always be evergreen. - Matty Malaprop

Maybe I'm just too cynical to appreciate love, but I've always felt like weddings are simply mulch ado about nothing. - Matty Malaprop

Just make sure you cover it during the rainy season, lest you want it to become an electricitree. - Matty Malaprop

And for that matter, what about cantankeroustrees? Tenacioustrees? Do you just hate all things arboreal, or just pleasant ones in particular? - Matty Malaprop

I bet that square is nine, because its root looks like tree to me! - Matty Malaprop

I mean, fir real, man? That's the way you talk to the ladies in your life? Willow be damned... - Matty Malaprop

I'm so jealous of trees. They always seem to foli-age so beautifully! - Matty Malaprop

Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

It's like what Aristotle describes... you can have thousands of acquaintances, but true friends can only come in ones, twos or trees. - Matty Malaprop

We have agreed: You are a hipster. - Matty Malaprop

YES I'M AWARE IT'S AN EVERGREEN AND THE ASH IS DECIDUOUS BUT COME ON NOW DAT SPRUCE JUST SOUNDS SILLY IF YOU ASK ME. - Matty Malaprop