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And this, children, is what happens when you open your big mouthpieces. - Matty Malaprop

All I can recommend is that Matthew take some medicine and go to bed, lest he wants to Diggory his own grave! - Matty Malaprop

After reading this groan-worthy pizza puns, I really feel like I could use a margherita. - Matty Malaprop

I'm betting all these puns were brewed up in Cosmo's Factory... - Matty Malaprop

And this right here is why I always get a little irked when doctors try and get cheeky with their 25 cents worth. - Matty Malaprop

Maybe I'm just too cynical to appreciate love, but I've always felt like weddings are simply mulch ado about nothing. - Matty Malaprop

This overly long Facebook abomination is your fault, Darth Waiter... - Matty Malaprop

Or musings on music in general... pssk, I don't even know. All I know is I'm a 12-year-old when it comes to giggling at the mention of "G-strings." - Matty Malaprop

More Facebook funniness over here!

The doctors had never seen anything like it before. They even had to coin a new term to describe the situation! - Matty Malaprop

I mean sure, she's got a bit of a frigid temperament, but what were you really expecting from a Neopolitan girl? - Matty Malaprop

Good or bad, elevator sex always ends with someone getting the shaft. If you know what I mean. - Matty Malaprop

And I'm sure the action sequences will go stale far too quickly. - Matty Malaprop

More punny Facebook updates over here!