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All I can recommend is that Matthew take some medicine and go to bed, lest he wants to Diggory his own grave! - Matty Malaprop

This overly long Facebook abomination is your fault, Darth Waiter... - Matty Malaprop

... and also wouldn't it be "ARRRRange?" Ugh, some punsters' children... - Matty Malaprop

And I'm sure the action sequences will go stale far too quickly. - Matty Malaprop

More punny Facebook updates over here!

Good or bad, elevator sex always ends with someone getting the shaft. If you know what I mean. - Matty Malaprop

Her boyfriend's name is Douglas Fir, but what she doesn't know is he's been pollenating with other lady-trees and is now a carrier of Phytophthora root rot. - Matty Malaprop

As Gotye's better half (in that video at least) would say, I really hope these endless "Somebody That I Used To Know" puns eventually Settle Down. - Matty Malaprop

See more Facebook foibles over here!

I mean sure, she's got a bit of a frigid temperament, but what were you really expecting from a Neopolitan girl? - Matty Malaprop

And this, children, is what happens when you open your big mouthpieces. - Matty Malaprop