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ERMAGEHRD! KERMS! - Matty Malaprop

Unfortunately Yellow didn't read the fine print, which reminds that you'll immediately regain the weight with every seat you take. - Matty Malaprop

ICWUDT, bird-brained illustrator. - Matty Malaprop

Well, maybe she'll trip and land in horse manure and then we can all laugh about that instead? - Matty Malaprop

I mean, it was cute I guess, but it wasn't like a corgi or a baby basset hound or anything... - Matty Malaprop

Because what good would a down-laying scarecrow even be, amirite? - Matty Malaprop

It sounds like this poor bird really egrets ever leaving you. I guess it just goes to show that love is always fight or flight. - Matty Malaprop

99.9 percent effective at stopping unexpected pregnancy. 100 percent effective at causing unexpected fall fails. - Matty Malaprop

You're not my real dad, construction crew that put up this sign! - Matty Malaprop