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My friends told me this fair had to be seen to be believed, but I can't see anything at all! - Matty Malaprop

Oh come on! Everyone know's Peach is a superior racer. And though it pains me to admit this, it's really an undeniable fact that one should never let a pun impede their ability to pummel the living sh*t out of all their friends at Mario Kart. - Matty Malaprop

Looks like somebody's weedin' dirty... - Matty Malaprop

Something to see here, folks. But move along anyway, please. - Matty Malaprop

Do you see what happens, Hitler, when you invade Poland? BLINDNESS HAPPENS. LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. - Matty Malaprop

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS IT'S JUST A TABBY GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. - Matty Malaprop

What? It did what it said on the label and walked away, man. You really only have yourself to blame. - Matty Malaprop

Curse you, otters... even your heartbreak is overwhelmingly adorable! - Matty Malaprop

Check out more funny animals at Animal Capshunz!

My sixth sense is presently indicating that I should run the hell away from you... - Matty Malaprop

Strange though, I didn't think camouflage was precisely a "skill" that needed practicing... - Matty Malaprop

And to think he would have said "inside you" if his gaydar had only given off a slightly stronger signal... - Matty Malaprop

Source: Cyanide & Happiness

Q: Why do computer programmers tend to be insomniacs? A: They typically consume far too much java every day. - Matty Malaprop