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As if the end of the roll wasn't already hard enough to find! - Matty Malaprop

When you're balding, but you still wanna dress the part for that upcoming Rancid concert, you need MOGAINE (tm). - Matty Malaprop

Sure, you're paying more than $2,000 for a burger. But have you ever eaten another burger in your life that allowed you to emulate the original Oregon Trail? I DIDN'T THINK SO! - Matty Malaprop

The only difference is that sweet chai is actually good, which is more than can be said of GnR... - Matty Malaprop

So it attracts mutts to men like Axe attracts obscene amounts of money to miserable advertisements? - Matty Malaprop

It's a great snack to take with you on all guacs of life! - Matty Malaprop

And all this time, here I was thinking R&B stood for rhythm and blues, when in fact it means rutabagas and beets! - Matty Malaprop

Do you think this magical drink was brewed up by a Hot Sauce Committee? - Matty Malaprop

Fighting internet unfunniness crime, one shoop at a time. - Matty Malaprop

One time in French class in high school, a peer of mine told the class she almost shat herself the last time she got scared by a movie. Our teacher was shocked to hear one of her pupil's swearing, until said classmate convinced her that she had meant to say "chat" (French for cat) instead.

This story has very little to do with this video. But I decided to tell it anyway, so you're welcome! - Matty Malaprop