potato

Raising a child always causes an unfortunate kind of famine for your energy levels. - Matty Malaprop

"But like, dude, have you ever thought about what life would be like if you weren't a potato? Like, what if you were actually a grape?" - Matty Malaprop

I'm told he was well on his way to slimming down, but then he got a little lazy and his exercise regiment spuddered to a halt. - Matty Malaprop

I was with you all until the Doritos joke... I mean, really, is there any potato-matter in a bag of Doritos at all? I'm skeptical. - Matty Malaprop

No wonder this broadcast is so terribly firetruck. - Matty Malaprop

Dude takes the term (s)mashed to a whole new level. - Matty Malaprop

Punmaster ichckid098 wins the Internet for today. Everybody else should just go home. - Matty Malaprop