phone

Because Bing is neither useful nor punifiable. - Matty Malaprop

Source: Brainless Tales

I tried doing this once with my phone, but in addition to being dead, it turns out my battery was also a deadbeat. - Matty Malaprop

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Sorry to burst your Stormy bubbles, but I'm pretty sure those are still in Alpha. - Matty Malaprop

Because I can never not lol over YES, THIS IS DOG. - Matty Malaprop

Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop

Please don't let this become a commonly used macro please don't let this become a commonly used macro please don't let this become a commonly used macro please don't let this become a commonly used macro please don't let this become a commonly used macro... - Matty Malaprop

It's really David's fault, I think. If he'd only taken my advice and named his phone something easily recognizable like Aloysius or Quonishua, then maybe said phone would be a little bit more responsive to calls from his owner! - Matty Malaprop

He may be able to see now at least, but he'll still never overcome the social astigmatism attached to flip-phones in this day and age. - Matty Malaprop

WORST. GAME. EVER. - Matty Malaprop

As if the plague's effect on one's reception wasn't bad enough... - Matty Malaprop