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And on the third day, Cheesus rose from the bottom shelf, and it was gouda. - Matty Malaprop

Still, it could be better. My stupid remote keeps getting lost underneath the chair's infernal cushion! - Matty Malaprop

COME ON BRAD DO YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT FASHION????? - Matty Malaprop

I mean, your old nickname back in high school was Checkers, wasn't it?

You'd be surprised how sensical this is. The Fibonacci sequence actually acts as a very accurate measure of the way in which humans eat nachos. First you take one, then another one, then another two, then three, then five... and on and on until the plate is empty and you curl up in a fetal position and start weeping wondering what have you done with your life but more importantly WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ALL THE DELICIOUS NACHOS. - Matty Malaprop

But Yoda lived in that swamp alone... do I dare think about the objects of his affection there? - Matty Malaprop

You can check in on him as much as you want, but you're always going to get out-plaid. - Matty Malaprop

I have a confession to make, everyone; my infinite neuroses and perpetual state of nervousness have branded me a lifelong nail biter. The only upside: I'll never have to worry about circuit-breaking a nail. - Matty Malaprop

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