on

It sounds like this poor bird really egrets ever leaving you. I guess it just goes to show that love is always fight or flight. - Matty Malaprop

I'm just glad most websites nowadays will automatically log you off (unless you tell them to do otherwise) in the event that your Internet connection cuts out. - Matty Malaprop

Dear god, this pun is just SO fowl. - Matty Malaprop

I hope you have insurance, friend... - Matty Malaprop

I mean, I know I'm nitpicking here, but seriously. THIS PUN WOULD BE SO MUCH FUNNIER FOR ME IF ONLY I KNEW WHAT KIND OF ROLL YOU WERE LITERALLY ON LADY! - Matty Malaprop

No offense Mrs. Dragon, but when my partner grows sweeter mutton chops than I do, I tend to get a little turned off... - Matty Malaprop

Do you think he might be on the prowl for the elusive Firefox? I bet he wants to mount its taxidermied head to the wall of his Opera. - Matty Malaprop

King of the jungle? More like king of the modal, amirite? #I'mDefinitelyNotRight - Matty Malaprop

99.9 percent effective at stopping unexpected pregnancy. 100 percent effective at causing unexpected fall fails. - Matty Malaprop

Michael Jackson: Bringing out the perverted 12-year-old inside each and every one of us. OH WAIT. - Matty Malaprop

... is his position on your bookshelf relative to the REAL king of The Road. - Matty Malaprop

Be keffiyeh what you wish for, tie. You just might get it. - Matty Malaprop