lost

Dude, you really ought to keep a better ion those things! - Matty Malaprop

Isn't it always just the worst that such moments of clarity and realization always occur AFTER the fact? - Matty Malaprop

Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop

This is why I try to keep my material possessions to a minimum. Sentimentality and attachment are clearly just mules' games. - Matty Malaprop

That sort of thing happens to the best of us, believe me. It's enough to make you RAM your head against the wall, though. - Matty Malaprop

Was its name Chips Ahoy!? Well, it doesn't matter really. Just try and Hold Steady next time and you'll probably come out okay. - Matty Malaprop

It's really David's fault, I think. If he'd only taken my advice and named his phone something easily recognizable like Aloysius or Quonishua, then maybe said phone would be a little bit more responsive to calls from his owner! - Matty Malaprop

Fast as he could was apparently not fast enough to keep the shrapnel from catching this gingerbread man... - Matty Malaprop

Yeah, I made a really lame joke related to Joy Division by simply using the world Closer in my title. WHAT OF IT??????? - Matty Malaprop

Now now Mr. Keyboard, we both know tantrums like this are no way to escape your problems. - Matty Malaprop