internet

Do you think he might be on the prowl for the elusive Firefox? I bet he wants to mount its taxidermied head to the wall of his Opera. - Matty Malaprop

Please, someone, Rule 34 this. Don't post it on this site. Don't e-mail it to me. Just do it please, so that I'll know in the back of my mind that it's been done. - Matty Malaprop

The digital age has not been kind to this poor and hungry beast. - Matty Malaprop

And I'd prefer he be a Firefox, but sigh, you can't always get what you want. - Matty Malaprop

Mindless web browsing is a pretty fine way to spend a Frida night, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

Color me about as confused as humanly possible re: this one. Anyone care to illuminate it for me? - Matty Malaprop

I've been stewing about this blasphemous broth of legislation for months now. - Matty Malaprop

... but sadly in good ol' Montucky it's illegal to keep magpies as pets. And no, I'm not making that up. - Matty Malaprop

Also, you may be the cutest spider in existence, but I'm still going to stomp the sh*t out of you if I ever see you on the street.

Love, Matty Malaprop

The part of her ad this comic doesn't show is the creepiest part of all: "I've got the love of a thousand hearts to give you, and I can offer you ass for days..." - Matty Malaprop