insult

Let it go, Jeff. Richard is clearly just a potato who can't take a hint. - Matty Malaprop

Or maybe, lacking any sharp edges, it just harmlessly bounces off? - Matty Malaprop

Fortunately (unfortunately?), man's best friend is more or less man's worst drug. Unless you're a crazy dog person, but that's just silly. - Matty Malaprop

Love LOLcats? Who doesn't?! There are so many more over here!

Beneath his cruel exterior, he's really just too chicken to even try to make friends. - Matty Malaprop

Boasting makes you do so.

That a piss-off is synonymously known as a sword fight lends the word rapier a whole bunch of different awkward connotations. Ew. - Matty Malaprop