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He's even cuter than his not-genetically-compromised counterparts! - Matty Malaprop

I mean, I end up buried under a pile of books at least three times a week since I tend to run into my bookcase while trying to put on pants on a hyper-regular basis. - Matty Malaprop

No homo but seriously JT will you please to be my ~~boyfriend~~???? - Matty Malaprop

Moar Justin TimberLOLing over here!

They washed it that way. APPARENTLY THE BACKSTREET BOYS AND 'NSYNC ARE NOT THE SAME THING WHO KNEW???? - Matty Malaprop

(pushes up glasses) Actually, the monster doesn't not technically have a name, so this joke doesn't work because it's actually Frankenstein's-Monster-in-Storm... (end rant) - Matty Malaprop

Oh wait, white bread actually isn't very good for you at all... SORRY INWHITEBREAD HORSE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU OUT BACK AND SHOOT YOU IN THE LEG NOW :((((((((((((( - Matty Malaprop

And to think it was hand-coded using Trotsky++! - Matty Malaprop

In the case of these finger-flairs, they really are a dime a dozen! - Matty Malaprop

A penny? Seriously? Abe might have been an honest dude, but that doesn't mean he wasn't a stinkin' cheapskate. - Matty Malaprop

In my family, it's tradition to always start breakfast with a lovely toast. - Matty Malaprop

SERIOUSLY J-TIMBS WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GIVE US A FUTURE-FUTURESEX WE'VE BEEN WAITING 5EVA!!!!11!!!!1! - Matty Malaprop

I mean, have you ever tried camping sans tent? It's not a particularly pleasant experience. #MontananWisdom - Matty Malaprop

It's kinda like that Flash game "Achievement Unlocked!" Except it's not fun and you can only click one thing and it's soundtracked by one of the worst "rap-rock" bands to ever exist. Oh f*ing boy. - Matty Malaprop

In my dreams, this particular establishment is decked out with hundreds of pieces of art depicting the poor admiral drowning. Is that weird or something? - Matty Malaprop