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If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, then it certainly doesn't rot far from it either. - Matty Malaprop

Where would journalism be without puns? Certainly not visiting phallological museums, that's for sure. - Matty Malaprop

I don't think U.S. whiskey makers are gonna be able to handle what happens if they start a war with their scottish rivals... - Matty Malaprop

They were just too worried about passengers blacking out in fear, I guess. - Matty Malaprop

Just because he's physically small, that doesn't give you any right to make him feel small! - Matty Malaprop

Something tells me this truck's payload was released a bit prematurely... - Matty Malaprop

Further proof that 99 percent of all soft news articles are just otterly ridiculous. - Matty Malaprop