friend

And in certain movies, he's even Willem Dableagent! - Matty Malaprop

Except maybe they're all still alive but figuring that out would require me doing research and LOL who even has time for that nowadays and also what if I'm an old person like them everybody knows old people can't use computers and LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL-- wait where even am I? - Matty Malaprop

Get that chip off your shoulder, and then maybe we can see if we can make things work. - Matty Malaprop

Does he have a name, Al? I always feel most awkward when greeting nameless anthropomorphic pieces of flora. - Matty Malaprop