explanation

My mother always told me that a wet spreadsheet was no kind of spreadsheet at all. I never fully understood what she meant... - Matty Malaprop

On the plus side, high fidelity headphones are always faithful to their spouses, AND they'll take a bullet for any and all of their friends and acquaintances. - Matty Malaprop

Their political system is going to be strictly bipartisan... whenever they get around to nominating candidates. - Matty Malaprop

I wonder what we'd have to do to warm that icy bunny heart... - Matty Malaprop

Sallie Mae is not your girlfriend, no matter how much you'd like to believe otherwise. - Matty Malaprop

Someone please explain it to me? HOW IS THIS A PUN? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? OH GOD HOW I REGRET SPENDING ALL OF MY TIME IN PRE-CALC LISTENING TO BRIGHT EYES AND TURNING PERFECT CIRCLES INTO CRYING EMO FACES IN MY TEXT BOOK. - Matty Malaprop

Some expressions are creepiest when taken literally... - Matty Malaprop

... though I suppose that explanation kinda kills the joke, doesn't it? - Matty Malaprop