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I hate to break it to you, Mr. Doodle-Guy, but you probably brought those bedroom eyes upon yourself. There are steps you can take to prevent such things, you know... - Matty Malaprop

... but what about slightly skeptical ones? Are those okay to click? - Matty Malaprop

Ugh, this pun is a total snooze if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

And something that is both nonsensical AND non-cents-sical is certainly worthy of a lot of re-cent-ment. - Matty Malaprop

I know life feels so hard right now, but I promise it'll get better! You'll persevere and then everyone will know will be green with envy over your accomplishments! - Matty Malaprop

Apologies for what must logically follow... #Obligatory - Matty Malaprop

What? It did what it said on the label and walked away, man. You really only have yourself to blame. - Matty Malaprop

Yo dawg, I heard you like needless hyper-literal disobedience... - Matty Malaprop

I don't even know what to say about this, punmasters. I don't even. - Matty Malaprop

Well, when you two deciduous to stop being so selfish, then maybe you'll realize how much you both knead each other in your lives. - Matty Malaprop

The text says: "Some people might think you're cookie / donut listen." What I want to know is WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A RANSOM MESSAGE IS THAT?? - Matty Malaprop