cell phone

As if the plague's effect on one's reception wasn't bad enough... - Matty Malaprop

He may be able to see now at least, but he'll still never overcome the social astigmatism attached to flip-phones in this day and age. - Matty Malaprop

If you've ever felt imprisoned by your dependence on your phone, well now you know you've been right about that all along. - Matty Malaprop

Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop