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Please, someone, Rule 34 this. Don't post it on this site. Don't e-mail it to me. Just do it please, so that I'll know in the back of my mind that it's been done. - Matty Malaprop

I mean, sure, it starts off reading like the liner notes of a Black Eyed Peas album, but it gets very poignant and Joycean about 100 pages in! - Matty Malaprop

You do however have the problem of only being slightly larger than a Christmas ornament... you might wanna work on that, honey. - Matty Malaprop

If you're the kind of person who gets squeamish over literary violence, you'd best keep scrolling. - Matty Malaprop

Honestly, my least favorite part is Snape. I know he means well, but he always comes off as a bit of an ass. Ron's quite a stallion, though, so I guess that makes everything better. - Matty Malaprop

... is his position on your bookshelf relative to the REAL king of The Road. - Matty Malaprop

But is the tastier shroom the morel or the shiitake? DISCUSS. - Matty Malaprop

You can have your Kobes and your Jordans. Kareem Abdul Babar will always have my deepest and most profound respects. - Matty Malaprop

Now clemenTIME will always be on your side! - Matty Malaprop

I mean, couldn't the robots just run some complicated algorithm to pinpoint Wall-E's location on every page? Kinda takes the fun out of it, don't you think? - Matty Malaprop

... but maybe that's just me. I'm still trying to Seuss this one out, really. - Matty Malaprop

I'm thinking you find an annoying younger brother and shout "ER! ER! ER!" at him ad nauseam until he starts crying, but I could well be mistaken on this one. - Matty Malaprop