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Don't call her fat though; she's just big-boned. - Matty Malaprop

... not to say that I'm going to go out of my way and find the video this screenshot comes from. Oh no. That would be far too easy. - Matty Malaprop

Not to nitpick here, but I really need proof that this guy wears size 12 shoes or larger, otherwise this photographic "evidence" means stone nothing to me. - Matty Malaprop

Sure, you're paying more than $2,000 for a burger. But have you ever eaten another burger in your life that allowed you to emulate the original Oregon Trail? I DIDN'T THINK SO! - Matty Malaprop

... so we put Bigfoot on a Bigfoot on a big foot so you can... do something involving Bigfoot that is in keeping with the structure of the Xzibit meme... - Matty Malaprop

See what I did there? Eh? Eh? - Matty Malaprop

He's not above doing whatever it takes to preserve his illustrious and self-indulgent reputation. - Matty Malaprop

What, were you expecting some sort of cosmic explosion? Do you see Carl Sagan anywhere around here? I didn't think so. - Matty Malaprop

I'm also pretty into renewable energy, but my activist days are over. All that shouting and preaching left me terribly winded. - Matty Malaprop

I'm not saying he doesn't deserve his fame, I'm just saying I hate when people exploit various angles to achieve success. - Matty Malaprop