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I'd congratulate your for you punmanship but I'm too busy giggling over the idea of Tingle condoms because I'm 12. - Matty Malaprop

One time in French class in high school, a peer of mine told the class she almost shat herself the last time she got scared by a movie. Our teacher was shocked to hear one of her pupil's swearing, until said classmate convinced her that she had meant to say "chat" (French for cat) instead.

This story has very little to do with this video. But I decided to tell it anyway, so you're welcome! - Matty Malaprop

I'd be more on board with this one if I wasn't convinced that the tourism industry is rapidly eroding. - Matty Malaprop

BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DRINK IT ALL / NOT EVEN LEAVE A SPLASH FOR MY MORNING COFFEE / GUESS THAT I DON'T NEED MILK THOUGH / I'LL JUST DRINK IT BLACK BEFORE IT STARTS TO GET COLD. #CapsLockB/CGotye'sAlwaysShouting - Matty Malaprop

... and therein lies the perks of using a computer with convertible operating systems.

I'm not sure about how all of you feel, but this joke is just gold in my mind. - Matty Malaprop

You surreally ought to attend to your business post-haste, good sir!