Just stay single

Bring back yellow sun

So inspirational

Nothing weird over here

Fellas, is it gay to love your wife?

It's chilly in here

Can't resist

Doing what's right

The worst thing about animals is that they can't talk . I know there have been a couple of scientifically studied gorillas and dogs on TikTok who can say words, but that's not the same thing as talking. Humans are the only species that can speak in a grammatically coherent way, and that's a damn shame. I've had several dogs I wish I could talk to because they probably have crazy life stories. My first dog, Toby, had an extremely traumatic life before we got him. When the dog rescue found him, h…

Following orders

There are a lot of things you have to gauge about a person on a date when you're meeting them for the first time. First of all, are they a murderer? This is a surprisingly difficult question from vibes alone, so in the meantime, you can move on to other important questions. “Am I attracted to them?” “Do we have anything in common?” “Does speaking to them make me want to gauge my eyes out with a metal spoon?” These are classic first-date reflection questions we all have asked ourselves at some p…

Supernanny is a TV show about children who will not eat their dinner. Well, at least that's one of the main behavior issues the titular Supernanny Jo deals with when going into the homes of American families. I loved watching Supernanny as a kid. Much like Wife Swap and Maury I was obsessed with watching families on TV that were far more dysfunctional than mine could ever be. I looked at that 8-year-old on Supernanny with contempt, thinking, “I'm eight too, and I would never act like this. That…

Take a meme break, mom and dad—you deserve it!

Going to the doctor can be incredibly un-fun. You have to get poked and prodded by a total stranger, all while divulging way too specific details about your life. No thank you. When I was a kid, I hated going to the doctor and got so worked up that I threw up on my pediatrician every time I went. I wasn't even going to the doctor for nausea related reasons, my doctor just had such bad vibes, I had to throw up in his direction. Sure, going to the doctor sucks, but is it more fun to be the doctor…

Poor Flounder

A worthy pursuit