Plus, the Grimace shake saga continues.

Roll for memes

Deranged

'Handing artists random objects while performing should be standard'

SQUACK

“I'm a comedian.” Three words, beginning with a contraction, that make me back away in revulsion. Back when I had Tinder, I listed two kinds of people who I simply would not converse with: The above self-proclaimed funnymen, and burners. Burners, as in Burning Man attendees. These types of people and their personalities (for the most part) couldn't turn me on less. My other major sexual dealbreaker is skipping foreplay, which is harder to assess when swiping on a dating profile . Most people ca…

Has internet humor ruined us? Have memes over the years become increasingly incomprehensible to the point where the only thing we're laughing at is our ability to understand them? What does a smirking Wojak even mean to a 70-year-old man? Most likely nothing, but that's okay. If you agreed with those sentiments, I invite you to think a little bit and reevaluate. All forms of humor are subjective. Just because I can pull up my Twitter feed and understand, hopefully, 75 percent of the memes that…

Wholesome memes to send to your homies

Blossoming

It seems to have side effects

Call me old-fashioned, but I think every person should have to work a food position for at least a few months, once in their lives. I'm not the kind of person who'd generally hold a sentiment like that, but it's immediately apparent when you realize somebody hasn't. People who show zero empathy for workers, complain about how “easy” it is to do the job, and just treat their server with complete disrespect. You hate to see it. Cut your teeth as a busser for even just a month and you'll realize t…

Nice things

We've all been asked about our hobbies in a job interview at one point or another. That is one of those moments in a job interview to show off how well-rounded, unique, and relaxed you are. It's normal to stretch the truth to sound more impressive than you are. If I were to give you one good tip for the hobby question, it would be to include at least one athletic hobby. For some reason, that type of hobby makes you look like you've got your stuff together. It doesn't matter if it's an adult dod…

Do kids today even know what "landline" means?

Have you ever had an existential crisis in your life? One time, maybe, you thought about the fact that you won't always be here, and that freaked you out. Well, that's being a human, buddy. At some point, in some place, in one way or another, we'll pass on through this earthly realm. It's incredibly scary to me, but it's scary for every normal person, so at least we can all bond over the limits of mortality and how we'll plan our funerals. But have you thought about what you may put on your gra…

Miranda is still singing