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Try to Center Yourself

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Where I Have to Sit When I go to the Movies The Friend I Was Supposed To Sit Next To Some Giant Grandma Who Stands Up to Clap Every Time She Thinks A Part Of the Movie is Good Popcorn Cruncher A Guy With Six Piercings Some Texting-Obsessed Person Who Forgot to Turn off her rap ringtone Me A Bratty Little Girl who is Also a Seat Kicker A Mom Who thinks the Kicking Girl, Her Daughter, is Just a Darling Somebody Who Spilled Their Entire Thing of Refreshments

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Everyone Else Is Nasty

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How time is spent at a Port-a-John

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Theatre Seating

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Middle Seats Are Like Ghost Towns

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Likelihood of You Knowing the Answer to the $1,000,000 Question

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