obesity

For when you need to make a quick getaway.

Daniel Gaspard, 45, left the store Saturday afternoon with a half gallon of vodka, an Adidas sun visor, a TV antenna, and “Mardi Gras cups,”police reported.

The sad part is that Gaspard actually made it out of the store with all of the stuff, and was only apprehended after a Walmart employee walking to work saw him in the parking lot of a local dollar store. The employee probably wouldn't have thought anything of it had the cart not had a big "Property of Walmart" sticker slapped on the front.

Gaspard was arrested shortly thereafter on felony theft charges and held on $4,000 bail.

True love is letting your significant other have the last six-pack of Coke.

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."

-- Abraham Lincoln