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Make a list and never follow up on it. That's the way to procrastinate. Luckily you can just as easily procrastinate with a bunch of hilarious lists. Win-win.
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Employer calls employee's emergency contact to ask if he can come into work: 'Employer just called my mom to ask if I'd come in, because I didn't answer. I'm 30 years old.'
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16-year-old refuses to move back in with her widower dad after he abandoned her for stepmom and step-siblings: 'My aunt is a way better parent than my dad was.'
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50-year-old father expects his four adult children to help him raise a newborn baby, whom he intends to gain custody of: ‘We all have our own lives going on’
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Homeowner lets her parents, brother, brother's girlfriend, and nephew live in her basement, parents demand she let her brother's family move upstairs: 'I work from home as a therapist and see clients upstairs.'
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Husband allows niece to take his wife's souvenir Sanrio coloring book from Japan, she demands it back: ‘[He] said I was petty and childish’
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