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Every beard-induced hangover I've ever had has been nothing short of a hair-raising experience. - Matty Malaprop

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Less well-known than the canonical archangles are their more shapely counterparts: Isosceles, Scalene and Equilateral. - Matty Malaprop

Only a total fruit would give into pear pressure, 'namsayin? #I'mNotHomophobicISwear #THISPUNISABOUTFRUIT #NOITREALLYACTUALLYIS - Matty Malaprop

I mean, given their linguistically failed name, I suppose such punishable typos should be expected in such a place. - Matty Malaprop

If you look on the back side, it has your name on it and everything! - Matty Malaprop

... what does fabluous mean? No really. I'm curious. - Matty Malaprop