This Keyboard Might Need Some Counseling

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This Keyboard Might Need Some Counseling
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Now now Mr. Keyboard, we both know tantrums like this are no way to escape your problems. - Matty Malaprop

Well, I'm Not Negative

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Well, I'm Not Negative
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Dude, you really ought to keep a better ion those things! - Matty Malaprop

Lost Money on a Horse

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Was its name Chips Ahoy!? Well, it doesn't matter really. Just try and Hold Steady next time and you'll probably come out okay. - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

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And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop

Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer

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Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer
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Yeah, I made a really lame joke related to Joy Division by simply using the world Closer in my title. WHAT OF IT??????? - Matty Malaprop