This Keyboard Might Need Some Counseling

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missing,control,literalism,key,lost,keyboard
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Now now Mr. Keyboard, we both know tantrums like this are no way to escape your problems. - Matty Malaprop

Well, I'm Not Negative

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atom,electron,ion,lost,negative,positive,question,worried
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Dude, you really ought to keep a better ion those things! - Matty Malaprop

Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer

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joy division,lyrics,song,control,literalism,lost,she's lost control,keyboard
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Yeah, I made a really lame joke related to Joy Division by simply using the world Closer in my title. WHAT OF IT??????? - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

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cell phone,contacts,double meaning,explanation,glasses,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone,phones
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop

He Could Really Use Some Obedience Schooling...

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call,calling,double meaning,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone
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It's really David's fault, I think. If he'd only taken my advice and named his phone something easily recognizable like Aloysius or Quonishua, then maybe said phone would be a little bit more responsive to calls from his owner! - Matty Malaprop

Last I Heard He Was Trying to Dig a Pony

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lacking,ass-less,donkey,chaps,literalism,ass,double meaning,lost
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This is why I try to keep my material possessions to a minimum. Sentimentality and attachment are clearly just mules' games. - Matty Malaprop