Last I Heard He Was Trying to Dig a Pony

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lacking,ass-less,donkey,chaps,literalism,ass,double meaning,lost
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This is why I try to keep my material possessions to a minimum. Sentimentality and attachment are clearly just mules' games. - Matty Malaprop

That Must Have Been Very Hard For You

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cliché,computer,double meaning,drive,literalism,lost,progressing,technician
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That sort of thing happens to the best of us, believe me. It's enough to make you RAM your head against the wall, though. - Matty Malaprop

Lost Money on a Horse

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Was its name Chips Ahoy!? Well, it doesn't matter really. Just try and Hold Steady next time and you'll probably come out okay. - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

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cell phone,contacts,double meaning,explanation,glasses,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone,phones
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop