It's really David's fault, I think. If he'd only taken my advice and named his phone something easily recognizable like Aloysius or Quonishua, then maybe said phone would be a little bit more responsive to calls from his owner! - Matty Malaprop
This is why I try to keep my material possessions to a minimum. Sentimentality and attachment are clearly just mules' games. - Matty Malaprop
Was its name Chips Ahoy!? Well, it doesn't matter really. Just try and Hold Steady next time and you'll probably come out okay. - Matty Malaprop
Fast as he could was apparently not fast enough to keep the shrapnel from catching this gingerbread man... - Matty Malaprop
Yeah, I made a really lame joke related to Joy Division by simply using the world Closer in my title. WHAT OF IT??????? - Matty Malaprop
Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop
Now now Mr. Keyboard, we both know tantrums like this are no way to escape your problems. - Matty Malaprop
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