He Could Really Use Some Obedience Schooling...

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call,calling,double meaning,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone
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It's really David's fault, I think. If he'd only taken my advice and named his phone something easily recognizable like Aloysius or Quonishua, then maybe said phone would be a little bit more responsive to calls from his owner! - Matty Malaprop

Last I Heard He Was Trying to Dig a Pony

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lacking,ass-less,donkey,chaps,literalism,ass,double meaning,lost
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This is why I try to keep my material possessions to a minimum. Sentimentality and attachment are clearly just mules' games. - Matty Malaprop

Lost Money on a Horse

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Was its name Chips Ahoy!? Well, it doesn't matter really. Just try and Hold Steady next time and you'll probably come out okay. - Matty Malaprop

I Love the Smell of Gingerbread in the Morning

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leg,lost,nom,Vietnam,nam,shortening,literalism,double meaning
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Fast as he could was apparently not fast enough to keep the shrapnel from catching this gingerbread man... - Matty Malaprop

Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer

Favorite
joy division,lyrics,song,control,literalism,lost,she's lost control,keyboard
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Yeah, I made a really lame joke related to Joy Division by simply using the world Closer in my title. WHAT OF IT??????? - Matty Malaprop

And They Don't Even Cell My Prescription Here!

Favorite
cell phone,contacts,double meaning,explanation,glasses,Hall of Fame,literalism,lost,phone,phones
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Without any corrective gear, my vision's fuzzier than an AT&T signal in the wilds of Montana. #rimshot - Matty Malaprop

This Keyboard Might Need Some Counseling

Favorite
missing,control,literalism,key,lost,keyboard
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Now now Mr. Keyboard, we both know tantrums like this are no way to escape your problems. - Matty Malaprop

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