He Always Cheers Me Up

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He Always Cheers Me Up
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This makes SO MUCH SENSE. I only ever dance when I'm drunk, and I only ever get drunk at a dive-ish bar here in Seattle that I treat like my own personal Cheers. THIS PUN REALLY RESONATES WITH ME U GUIZ. - Matty Malaprop

Ugh, Beer Snobs

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Ugh, Beer Snobs
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They always get so upset when their booze comes to them in a Ballet! I've always preferred my swill on Flamenco, but at least I know how to compromise! - Matty Malaprop

The Real Reason I Love Strip Clubs

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The Real Reason I Love Strip Clubs
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Poetry and prose AND GO-GO BOOTS? Quoth my paycheck: "Nevermore." - Matty Malaprop

Or Maybe Just Danson On My Own

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Or Maybe Just Danson On My Own
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"Danson With The Stars": The hit new television program where Ted Danson pretends to be Carl Sagan. I've got every episode queued up on my DVR! - Matty Malaprop