IT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF MEN MY AGE OKAY???

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IT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF MEN MY AGE OKAY???
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DON'T JUDGE ME OKAY MY ARMADILLO LIZARD HAS UNCOILED ITSELF FOR A PRETTY LADY PLENTY OF TIMES IN MY LIFE AND I'D OFFER YOU PROOF BUT THAT'S ILLEGAL HERE IN THE STATE OF WASHINGTON AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET PUT ON A SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT OKAY????? - Matty Malaprop

You Could Ding a Bat With This!

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You Could Ding a Bat With This!
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I hate when people submit quality puns like this; it really steels my thunder! - Matty Malaprop

Basketball is a Very Strange Game...

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Basketball is a Very Strange Game...
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... and basketbasketball is EVEN STRANGER. - Matty Malaprop

He's Going to Feel Like a Foul Ball in the Morning, I Reckon

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He's Going to Feel Like a Foul Ball in the Morning, I Reckon
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Unrelated to this joke: Why don't more people use the phrase "I reckon" nowadays? It's just so fun to say! - Matty Malaprop

WATCH THE THRONE

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WATCH THE THRONE
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One thing Jay-Z and this baby definitely have in common: They both have AMAZING cribs. - Matty Malaprop