THIS IS A VAMPIRE this is not

IT'S JOHN C. REILLY'S you don't want to look

THE VAMPIRE'S ASS whether I look depends on the vampire

WTF DO YOU MEAN DOES MY SKIN SPARKLE? do I look like Mariah Carey B*tch?

VAMPIRE SH!T you're doing it wrong.

EDWARD WHO?

THE CULLENS don't actually own a silver volvo.